Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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