I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
