I want you more than these girls want KFC
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
