Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
sex in a hospital.. check
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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