she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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