I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
