Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
