you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
