i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
