I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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