She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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