He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Randomize
