goodnight i made you a song goodbye
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
