just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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