I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
