I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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