so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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