I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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