I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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