i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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