As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
