I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
