a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
