K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm sobbing to NWA
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
