So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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