Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
