I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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