I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
