she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
