I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
