this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
