The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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