nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
There r osticjed everywhere
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
