we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
