I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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