I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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