I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
