I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
