How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
