Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
