It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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