dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
