Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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