I think I died a long time ago.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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