I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
