Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
