So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
