It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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