Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
