Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
