Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
