the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
